THE STATE OF MY STATE ADDRESS
Thank you. Thank you so much, Madames Me, Myself, and I as well as the Voices in my Head, my Muse, Thalia, and Toto the Turtle, my Spirit Animal.
2019 has arrived, and with it, many challenges. How much should I contribute to my 401(k) when I make less than a sixteen year earns at a NorCal Subway? Should I continue submitting my novel to agents or work on another revision? Should I “live for now” like the Pepsi slogan says? If so, I’ll probably have even less money to contribute to my 401(k).
I have a number of projects to complete this year. I have completed twenty percent of four stand-alone novels I worked on during the 2018 National Novel Writing Month. I promise to complete them by the end of the year. In addition, I plan to edit some additional novels I previously finished. If the one I’m currently submitting to agents is ever picked up and published, I’ll need other books to offer an audience as soon as possible.
Weight is also a major consideration this year. After my double knee debacle last summer, I need to lose weight, so the pain I experienced will not return. I had a cortisone shot and was told the relief doesn’t last past a few months, so I need to put less weight on them. I will recommit to exercise. Also, I need to make better food choices. The talk of walls has been divisive in the United States. But for me to lose weight, a wall is a must. So, I promise no peanut butter, ice cream, donuts, or eclairs will cross my home lest I succumb to their temptation.
There is so much I want to do with my life—too much, really. I want to publish novels, sell screenplays, sing from The Great American songbook at a nightclub, see the Aurora Borealis, learn to surf from an Australian bloke, find out what Scottish men reallywear under their kilts. So, I propose to give my body to science before death so I may be cloned. That way there will be enough Theas to go around. BUT my original self will be the one who surfs with the Aussie and learns about the sartorial ways of the Scots.
A word about The Voices in My Head. They do not feel respected. Voicism will not be tolerated in my Administration. We are all equal and as long as the Voices remain peaceful and do not advocate inciting violence, they are welcome here.
Finally, a word to those close to me but outside my sphere: my family. I love them all very much, but I do become short with them at times. My poor mother is often a recipient when she needs help with her cell phone or computer, when she complains about a lack of salt on the food I prepare or laughs when the dog bullies me. I promise to be more tolerant. But I say the following with love—it’s you, not me, who always has to have the last word. So there. Phbbbt!