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Thea Lambert

A little romance, a few laughs. It's all good.



A plethora of Superhero movies is about to grace movie theaters. Captain Marvel and Shazam! are already out and the newest X-Men, Justice League, and Spiderman films are to be released this summer. But why don’t moviemakers turn to the classic heroes and tales from mythology? They’ve lasted millennia because they are solid stories. Just look at the successful Thor movie franchise.

I think a compelling hero to base a new movie on is the mighty Hercules, the illegitimate son of Zeus and hated stepson of Hera. Of this demi’god’s many tales, one of the most famous was the twelve tasks he had to complete for the king of Argos.

Here is my modern-day take on this tale in movie teaser form.

Coming this Summer:

In a world where the gods of mythology still exist, hidden on Mount Olympus, one could no longer remain. Now, he walks among the citizens of the United States. And he must complete—

The Twelve Labors of a 21st Century Hercules

  • See Hercules divert the course of a river to clean San Francisco’s feces and needle infested streets.

  • Watch as he gently puts a terminally ill lion out of its misery and, with the help of SeanJean, designs a fur hoody which he wears like a boss!

  • Be amazed as the demi-god pays for everything on his dates! Wears clean, pressed clothes! Showers!

  • Does something the first time his love interest asks, so she doesn’t wind up feeling like a nag. Or his mom.

  • Watch as he never moves his hand to his crotch in order to adjust or scratch his junk!

  • See Hercules fight off the evil Snake of Toxic Masculinity, cutting off its multiple heads of aggression, anger, control, white male privilege, ego, and bushy beards all while able to avoid being called a “pussy” and maintaining a sexy, “Alpha” man image. No being turned off by man tears, ladies.

  • Watch as he decides which diet will work best before his big Men’s Health cover shoot: Keto, Paleo, Intermittent Fasting, Vegan (no roast lamb for Hercules?).

  • See him review the Mueller Report in its entirety.

  • And feel your heart melt as you watch him smooch on puppies! And kittens!

The Twelve Labors of a 21st Century Hercules

Coming Summer, 2019 to a theater near you.

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