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Thea Lambert

A little romance, a few laughs. It's all good.



While I’m waiting for my big break in the publishing world, I’ve given a lot of thought to other writing opportunities. One such opportunity is writing song lyrics. I’m not very knowledgeable about urban lingo and the idea of writing children’s songs like Baby Shark make my teeth ache (as well as being downright cruel to parents everywhere). I’ve decided that I might have a shot with Country music. Visiting friends a few years ago, I commented on a cornflake lying on their laptop. We laughed saying it would make a great line in a country song. The line stayed with me. So, without further ado, here is Cornflake on My Laptop.

(Oh, one more ado. Before Country music afficionados complain that I am mocking the genre, I refer you to the following songs: Kenny Chesney’s She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy, Trace Adkins’ Badonkadonk, and Mark Chestnutt’s Bubba Shot the Jukebox).

Cornflake on my laptop

And the pickup truck is gone

She took my beer and hound dog

Oh, baby, what went wrong?

Her email didn’t say much

Just that she found herself The One

I’m outta luck

I’ve been fucked

Up by Match Dot Com

She always tried to paint the town red

Me? Rather “watch Netflix and chill”

She’d say, “let’s try that bistro”

I’d say, “how about we fire up the grill?”

Seems small town love don’t count for much

Won’t show my hurt to anyone

I’m done with love, looking for a fuck

Through Ashley Madison

Here’s to a number one song in 2020!

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